L.O.V.E

Love is a word that is known by all. Love can be for a special someone, a pet, or even down to a piece of food. Trust me there are plenty of things that I love that are food!! This girl loves to eat. lol Okay, time to move on to the bigger picture. Love is a weird thing. I have never found love, and I believe it is real. I am going to discuss how my life is affected by it, and maybe, just maybe you feel the same way too! My last relationship I was in was not ideal to say the least. I’m not going to get into everything, but all I’m going to say is that I lost myself during it. This might make sense to some, but maybe not to others. I lost who I was by not knowing what I wanted, just what my ex and everyone else wanted. I was worried I might not be good enough so I would keep my mouth shut, and agreed to everything. Piece by piece myself went away. I never noticed this until after we broke up.

In life you might feel like everyone is so great and you don’t want to disagree with them, because you are scared that you will be looked down on. You deserve to have your own opinions and not just sit there and agree with everything. Love is something that everyone has in their heart. If someone doesn’t like you for being your own unique self then that is not love. I decided it is not fair to me or anyone else, to start dating before I found out who I was, and what I wanted. I took the time to focus on myself. It took awhile but I finally started to decide what I was going to do with my life, and what I did not want for my life. I started to become more and more hard-headed. If someone would ask me out I would turn them down because I had my dreams and passions, and a dating just seemed to get in the way. Now I am at a point in my life where I decided I don’t care if I ever marry. No that doesn’t mean I am giving up on love. I’m just saying I feel strong enough to take care of myself, and I like being able to do that without having to worry about someone loving me and taking care of me. It is going to take a pretty amazing person to make me decided to go on a date with them.

I’m dating with purpose now. What that means is I’m only dating people who I feel like I have a strong connection with and could possibly marry. Yes, that is pretty crazy sounding, but I believe that my life is where I want it, and I’m past the stage of dating because everyone else is. I would rather focus on my life goals, and if God decides there is someone for my life he will make a way for that person to be in my life. It will take a pretty amazing person to make me give them a chance, especially to marry them. God bless that poor man because I’m a determined, hardworking, and hard-headed person.

This is what love is all about. Love is working hard. Love is forgiving EVERYONE no matter what happened in the past. Love is never giving up. Love is making a way no matter the challenge. Love is praying for a way.  Love is starting with yourself first. Love is putting others before yourself. Love is everywhere. Love is something you should never give upon because everyone is capable of it. Love is waiting. Long story short love is a complicated thing. In life there will be challenges. Focus on staying true to yourself, and never give up. It is ok if you don’t want to be like everyone else!! It is ok if you are democratic in a republican state. It is ok if you are a republican in a democratic state. It is ok to be a size 0 or even a size 16. It is ok to be afraid, but it is not ok to give up on yourself, and love. Love doesn’t have to be about a boyfriend or girlfriend. Love is about being happy. So please don’t give up that easy! I believe in everyone of you!

To Love, Laughter, and Happily Ever After. ❤

 

Society and Body Image

body image and society

Hello it’s me again. Yes I know I took a long vacation from writing. I would apologize but there is no point, because I want my writing to be something that I really want to write about instead of just some very bland posts. I hate to break it to you but it is going to be a very odd post. There have been some issues that I have had on my mind for awhile, and I do believe I’m not the only person with these feelings. I have sat here for about 45 minutes and I still don’t know how to convey my thoughts into words, so this post is going to be a little rough around the edges. So here we go…

I’m like most people I say that I’m happy with myself but I’m lying to everyone. I am one of the worst people when it comes to confidence. To be honest there is only one thing that I like about my appearance and that is my dimples. When I look the mirror I feel horrible. I want you to understand this post is not for you to feel sorry for me. The only reason I’m posting this is to get it off my chest for once, and to let others know that they really are not alone. I am someone who prides herself in being her own person, but deep down I’m scared to be 100% honest with my personality/style. My style is edgy with a little feminine twist.

If it was up to me most of my clothes would be in the guys section. I guess that deals with the whole tomboy stereotype. I believe everyone has their own style and the world should accept that!! I am someone who wants to do makeup on second and then not bother with it the next. That is who I am and most people don’t understand that. My biggest problem is the fact I truly have a very low level of confidence. I won’t go swimming even with friends because I despise my body type. I look in the mirror and I’m ashamed. People tell me all of the time I’m average/below average, and all I see is WAY overweight!!

I can go from looking in the mirror and tolerating my body type to wanting to get rid of all of the mirrors so I don’t have to see myself. I feel like no one will want to be with me when I look like this. I sometimes feel like I will never find someone who will truly love me for me. Some people might think that I’m stupid and sound like a child, but that is how I truly feel. When someone DOES seem interested in me I mentally shut down and don’t know how to respond. Between dealing with people that have hurt me in the past and my insecurities I sabotage myself. This is what is wrong with society. I shouldn’t feel this way but I do. I wish I wouldn’t but I do feel this way.

If you have ever felt this way you are not alone. This is when I should give you this pep talk that I should be giving to myself. You are perfectly made. You are beautiful in every sense. You are worthy of all the love in the world. You can be whoever you want to be. You should not let anyone tell you different. So forget society it’s not worth it. Create your own happiness, because that is all that matters in the end!!

To Love, Laughter, and Happily Ever After. ❤

Changed for the better.

First I want to start off saying this is going to be a religious post and if you get offended by it I’m sorry. I have said time after time that this blog was going to be my diary so it will include religious type posts from time to time. I have been wanting to blog for a while but I did not have any inspiration because nothing has really happened for a while. Yes that means I live a pretty boring life. lol jk (ok, maybe I’m not really kidding.) Well yesterday (Sunday) there was something that really changed my life. I have always been someone who thought she was very religious. I guess that was true to some existent. I have grown more and more with my faith as time has passed. Some of my family is very faithful and some not as much.

My Uncle Doodle believed in God, but never really went to church, and did not pick up the bible much. Something recently changed his life forever!! My Aunt Judy (Uncle Doodle’s wife) went to a church and Uncle Doodle never went with her. One day he decided to go once. That was the day everything changed. The church last 2 hrs each Sunday because they don’t have night services, and Uncle Doodle was shocked how much he liked the church, and how fast the time went by. He decided after going a few times that he was going to go to the altar to be saved, because he knew that  what he was meant to do at that time.

So the next week he was supposed to be baptized. So yesterday he was baptized, so I went to the church to watch, and I fell in love with the church too!! I have wanted to be part of a church, but I never found one that felt like the right fit. This church was the right fit. During church the messages felt like they were for me, and I knew I needed to stop putting boundaries on going to church. I was bad about saying I was too busy to, and yes I was really busy, but I could easily take 2 hours out of my time for church. I guess you could say inside I was scared, and was not as much of a follower of God like I thought I was!! So that day in church I knew it was my time so I went up and was saved.

          I am going to be baptized next Sunday!! The preacher came up to me afterward to talk about where I wanted to serve in the church and without thinking I said, “I like to sing,” I know that might sound normal, but I am terrified of singing in front of people!! I have been trying to over come that fear, and I guess God was telling me that is what I need to do. I have learned that when it is time to truly follow God you will know!! God is waiting for you to be ready, and open your heart. If you are waiting till you stop making mistakes that day will never come when you follow him. With God’s help you can live the life you truly deserve!!

To Love, Laughter, and Happily Ever After. ❤

Personality, and Style.

Being-different-and-unique-quotes

I know two post in one day. What is this world coming to? I hope you are not getting tired of me that quick. lol  So I went to the movies and saw Taken 3, and it was amazing. It was my favorite one out of the three. Ok, now that we got that out of the way I will get back to what I was saying. When we were driving home I was flipping through the radio stations like I always do and I found the song, “Paint it black” by Rolling Stones, then the song after that was, “Lightening Crashes” by Live. next thing I knew, ‘Sabotage” by the Beastie Boys was on.

The point is I was having a major freak out because those are some of my favorite songs!! I started thinking when the song ended that I have a wide range of taste in everything from books, to movies, to clothes, to music, and to art. I never really thought about it but I really do like a little mix of everything. Then I started thinking about all of the different stores around and how much they changed. I remember when Hot Topic was not a store that the “cool popular kids” never went into much. It was a place that a little bit more edgy not as popular kids loved. In this generation Hot Topic is the place where people get their Harry Potter, Fault In Our Stars, and Doctor Who stuff.

That store shouldn’t classify you as any kind of person. No one should have to be classified as emo, goth, popular, jock, prep, hippie, or any other term due to the fact they shop at a particular store or dress a particular way!! If that was the case I don’t know what I would be classified as because I dress so many different ways. One day I would so be a girly girl with an extremely fancy outfit, hair done up, and pageant makeup, and another day look like I am one of the guys heading out to a football game. This is what makes me, well, me.

I like a mixture of everything because everything intrigues me. This is like a big sign that flashes saying, “look at this weirdo!” That sign can flash as much as it wants, because that is what makes me happy. I will go on being an old unique soul, because that is how I like it. The point is if you like to dress a particular way, or listen to a particular type of music then go do it!! Never wait to gain permission to be who you want to be, because it is your life that you are living. Don’t let someone else live your life for you.

To Love, Laughter, and Happily Ever After. ❤

Making An Effort.

god-uses-anxiety-as-a-catalyst-to-help-us-grow

Let me say first, sorry for such a long post 🙂

I decided on New Years I was going to change how I lived my life. I know that is the most shocking thing someone has ever said. Yes I know I am just another number in this world that has said they are going to change something since it is the new year. I have been thinking about it for a while, but I thought I want to see if I will truly make the change not just for a year but more. So I wanted a day that was easy to remember and so Jan. 1st is the best day to start. I have always been shy, and I always will be. I’m one of those people who seem outgoing, but is the total opposite. I am a ball of nerves waiting to explode most days. As I sit here and write this post it is difficult for me to talk about one of my biggest struggles. I don’t like to show I’m weak. I think that needs to change as well.

So as some people read this they might think, “Just get over it. You should not be worried to hang out with your friends.” If you have never suffered from severe anxiety, it is a little difficult to truly overcome quickly. So that is why I am working on it. So as I write this I hope you understand a little bit more about me, starting with the fact I have to REALLY try to socialize, and take chances. I have got better, but at one time I did not really hang out with many people. As college progressed I started to transform into an improved person. I kept my same values, and actually they increased in strength. I did change into a person that tried to slowly overcome her shyness around strangers, and if I must say so myself I am getting pretty good at it when it comes to clinical!! This year I want to socialize more with people.

Everyone thinks I don’t like them since I don’t hang out with them much, but to be honest that is so far from the truth. My nerves make me worry about everything, so socializing is a little tricky. In my head I think what could go wrong, and how I might embarrass myself, and then when I decided to hang out I am a nervous wreck. I know I should not stress that much, but I am working on it.  I love those people, but it takes time for me to overcome somethings. I truly look up to them!. I look up to the people in my class, and others, because they always have fun and they never worry about what others think of them! I feel like they are slowly bringing out the best in me. I joke more, and I am very slowly opening up. If it was not for that class I don’t think I would have changed much from my secluded self.

I still don’t socialize as much as I should, but if they knew how I was before they would be amazed by how much I do socialize with them. This year I am going to try to hang out more with my friends, no matter how bad my anxiety is. I am now trying to reconnect with some of my old high school best friends, because I do need people in my life that mean so much to me!! As long as I try my hardest to reconnect with my old friends then I made an effort, and that is all I want. So everyone who thinks I don’t like them, since I don’t hang out with them, it is the total opposite. I love hanging out with you, but sometimes it is a bad habit to break when you are so used to being so secluded. I’m trying, Promise 🙂

To Love, Laughter, and Happily Ever After.

Honesty…

th1OC5QPC4            

Honesty, what is so hard about it? We live in a world that takes it as a joking manner. I for one, don’t. I feel like a diary is the one place where people bare their whole soul to keep record of their thoughts and feelings that they hold so dearly. So yes, this blog is my diary, and yes it is online, but what makes it much different? Call me stupid if you wish, but I agree with Taylor Swift when she had said that, if you don’t want me to write about you then maybe you should have been nicer. That is my opinion when it comes to this blog. I will never write something to hurt someone’s feelings on purpose. I have never been that person, and I never will be! If you get hurt feelings from something I said then I don’t know why, because it was never meant to hurt you. I write not to hurt, but to heal. I need healing and writing is what heals me. I feel like writing is my escape, and also a friend that is always there. I write with honesty. I never write names, and I will not make a bold reference in any way to point out a person that changed my life. That goes with the not writing to hurt, but to write to heal. So when you read my posts that talk about an event in my life I will never write in great detail, because there is no point. I will write enough for you to get a little picture. Enough detail to help me deal and cope. I thought I would make this statement so you understand what this blog is going to be all about.

To Love, Laughter, and Happily Ever After. ❤

Why Hello There :)

Welcome to Ever-Changing. You might be wondering why this blog is called, “Ever-Changing” if not oh well I’m gonna tell you anyway. Yes there was silly sass included in that statement. 😉 I was wondering for awhile what I was going to call this blog, especially since I have a couple different blogs. Yes I know that sounds weird. I will explain later. I finally decided on a blog that reflected my life and it truly is ever-changing! Plus I liked how the word is separated with a dash to represent two different things.

       The first one is the word, “EVER” it represents my hopes and dreams of a happily ever after. I know cheesy, and stereotypical. That’s just how I like it 😉 The second thing is the word, “CHANGING,” my life is changing, but I am changing every single day. I have grown from everything that has happened in my life, and I have found myself along the way. Good now we got that out of the way I guess it’s a good time to tell you about me.

        Woah, woah, lets slow our roll. I guess we better save that for my, “ABOUT ME PAGE.” I think that would be best so I can keep this blog post a little shorter 🙂 This blog is going to be a lot like a diary, and it is my privilege to have you snoop around in it! 😉 Yes I do love smiley faces and winkey faces, but don’t get the wrong idea we are just friends. Ha ha  just kidding. I hope you love reading my blog and you find it refreshing!

To Love, Laughter, and Happily Ever After.