Let me say first, sorry for such a long post 🙂
I decided on New Years I was going to change how I lived my life. I know that is the most shocking thing someone has ever said. Yes I know I am just another number in this world that has said they are going to change something since it is the new year. I have been thinking about it for a while, but I thought I want to see if I will truly make the change not just for a year but more. So I wanted a day that was easy to remember and so Jan. 1st is the best day to start. I have always been shy, and I always will be. I’m one of those people who seem outgoing, but is the total opposite. I am a ball of nerves waiting to explode most days. As I sit here and write this post it is difficult for me to talk about one of my biggest struggles. I don’t like to show I’m weak. I think that needs to change as well.
So as some people read this they might think, “Just get over it. You should not be worried to hang out with your friends.” If you have never suffered from severe anxiety, it is a little difficult to truly overcome quickly. So that is why I am working on it. So as I write this I hope you understand a little bit more about me, starting with the fact I have to REALLY try to socialize, and take chances. I have got better, but at one time I did not really hang out with many people. As college progressed I started to transform into an improved person. I kept my same values, and actually they increased in strength. I did change into a person that tried to slowly overcome her shyness around strangers, and if I must say so myself I am getting pretty good at it when it comes to clinical!! This year I want to socialize more with people.
Everyone thinks I don’t like them since I don’t hang out with them much, but to be honest that is so far from the truth. My nerves make me worry about everything, so socializing is a little tricky. In my head I think what could go wrong, and how I might embarrass myself, and then when I decided to hang out I am a nervous wreck. I know I should not stress that much, but I am working on it. I love those people, but it takes time for me to overcome somethings. I truly look up to them!. I look up to the people in my class, and others, because they always have fun and they never worry about what others think of them! I feel like they are slowly bringing out the best in me. I joke more, and I am very slowly opening up. If it was not for that class I don’t think I would have changed much from my secluded self.
I still don’t socialize as much as I should, but if they knew how I was before they would be amazed by how much I do socialize with them. This year I am going to try to hang out more with my friends, no matter how bad my anxiety is. I am now trying to reconnect with some of my old high school best friends, because I do need people in my life that mean so much to me!! As long as I try my hardest to reconnect with my old friends then I made an effort, and that is all I want. So everyone who thinks I don’t like them, since I don’t hang out with them, it is the total opposite. I love hanging out with you, but sometimes it is a bad habit to break when you are so used to being so secluded. I’m trying, Promise 🙂
To Love, Laughter, and Happily Ever After. ❤