Hello it’s me again. Yes I know I took a long vacation from writing. I would apologize but there is no point, because I want my writing to be something that I really want to write about instead of just some very bland posts. I hate to break it to you but it is going to be a very odd post. There have been some issues that I have had on my mind for awhile, and I do believe I’m not the only person with these feelings. I have sat here for about 45 minutes and I still don’t know how to convey my thoughts into words, so this post is going to be a little rough around the edges. So here we go…
I’m like most people I say that I’m happy with myself but I’m lying to everyone. I am one of the worst people when it comes to confidence. To be honest there is only one thing that I like about my appearance and that is my dimples. When I look the mirror I feel horrible. I want you to understand this post is not for you to feel sorry for me. The only reason I’m posting this is to get it off my chest for once, and to let others know that they really are not alone. I am someone who prides herself in being her own person, but deep down I’m scared to be 100% honest with my personality/style. My style is edgy with a little feminine twist.
If it was up to me most of my clothes would be in the guys section. I guess that deals with the whole tomboy stereotype. I believe everyone has their own style and the world should accept that!! I am someone who wants to do makeup on second and then not bother with it the next. That is who I am and most people don’t understand that. My biggest problem is the fact I truly have a very low level of confidence. I won’t go swimming even with friends because I despise my body type. I look in the mirror and I’m ashamed. People tell me all of the time I’m average/below average, and all I see is WAY overweight!!
I can go from looking in the mirror and tolerating my body type to wanting to get rid of all of the mirrors so I don’t have to see myself. I feel like no one will want to be with me when I look like this. I sometimes feel like I will never find someone who will truly love me for me. Some people might think that I’m stupid and sound like a child, but that is how I truly feel. When someone DOES seem interested in me I mentally shut down and don’t know how to respond. Between dealing with people that have hurt me in the past and my insecurities I sabotage myself. This is what is wrong with society. I shouldn’t feel this way but I do. I wish I wouldn’t but I do feel this way.
If you have ever felt this way you are not alone. This is when I should give you this pep talk that I should be giving to myself. You are perfectly made. You are beautiful in every sense. You are worthy of all the love in the world. You can be whoever you want to be. You should not let anyone tell you different. So forget society it’s not worth it. Create your own happiness, because that is all that matters in the end!!
To Love, Laughter, and Happily Ever After. ❤